Yes,
it’s true,
the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree,
but my family tree
was in an orchard on a hill
that rolled me to the river
and that river
ripped me through the rapids
and those rapids
rushed me into this moment
right here right now
with you

why is the arrow through the heart symbol supposed to be cute?

i know the whole cupid shoots cute little arrows at people and they fall in love.

what a great guy.

not true.

the metaphor is wrong.

if you take it literally, though, you’re closer to the truth.

two people, suddenly in love.

with as little control over it as they’d have stopping an arrow speeding towards their heart.

and love, it hurts.

as much as said arrow to your heart.

as for me, if i could talk to cupid.

i’d say this:

keep your arrows.

i don’t need em.

i don’t want the pain.

just stay away.

what happened this past year? that put me hear

in this spot where, i don’t know how to even care

for some reason i can’t choose, but i got nothin left to lose

gotta make up my mind, find something to find

to make this change, make my head rearrange

what am i doing??

with my future.. with my life

i can’t even muster up any worry

how did i lose every shred of urgency i may have once had

like, MAYBE i took being laid back to too much of an extreme

MAYBE by just letting you be you

i had to suppress myself too much

i wanted to be ok with everything

wanted to be that guy that was completely understanding

so MAYBE i let things go that i shouldn’t

MAYBE to do that i had to turn myself into this

uncaring, unmotivated guy

just doing whatever you wanted

but now.. it’s just me

and i don’t know what i want..

i don’t really care..

maybe

you're right though, it's not fair to you..
but nothing's fair, it's not fair to me that the first person i really loved,
really saw a future with, can't accept what i believe,
can't change who they are, at least a little..
i change myself for you.

so now it's over..
now i can start doing right
right?
it's not those things i'm gonna miss
i'm not gonna miss the guilt
i'm gonna miss you
i didn't tell a single lie last night
i always put you first
in every thought process and decision i made
but somehow you couldn't see or believe that
idk, you said you wanted a real relationship
someone you could grow with
and that if it couldn't be me
than you needed time before we can be just friends
well it's obvious your better off than me
of course it's always been that way
you're better off because you have the ability to want a relationship
someone to grow with
for me
if it's not you
i don't wanna think about anybody
any relationships
i hope i can live a normal life after this
but i'm not looking for anything
i'm not looking for anyone

Now, if you’re so foxy, and old Chief’s so dumb, then why does that hound get the fox on the run? ‘Cause he’s got the hunter, and the hunter’s got the

Climbing trees and paper planes
Life as a kid, were all the same
Tears of joy, and sullen hearts
Sticks and stones and broken arms

No matter how big

or how small, compared to the world

the trials you went through growing up

make up the way you see your world

they make up you

it’s part of FINDING YOURSELF

now i’ve realized a change

instead of getting down on myself

instead of feeling stupid for seeing where i went wrong

use these experiences to better myself, do better next time

it is NOT stupid to make a mistake

mistakes are human

what is stupid is to realize the mistake

and do it again

learn from it

grow

these obstacles are for your good

for you progression

what is progression? overcoming difficulties

those that have the most difficulties can become worst people

or the best

to avoid the worst, whether that means death

elimination

or just a terribly miserable life

we must learn

education

mistakes are nothing more than a lack of education

the past is the past

and i’m not going to let it get me down

but i will learn from my experiences

gather education from what i’ve done

it’s the worst feeling of filthiness i’ve experienced

to look at myself, look at what i’m doing

feel bad about it

but keep doing it anyway

it’s the lowest i think i’ve ever been

don’t let it happen to you

or at least don’t let it keep happening

that’s where i’m at

i love you and want the best for you always

ultimate example that life isn't fair

i can’t get rid of this feeling in my gut

it’s a constant knot

i can’t get the words you said out of my head

“how can two people that love eachother like we do, care about eachother as much as we do, two people that can see themselves happy together for the rest of their lives, how can this not be enough”

it’s not fair

i can’t stand it

and i’ve never felt so lost

we had so many plans

amazing plans

i could look to the future with hope, happiness

it was such a great future

and now that it’s all been taken away

i just feel helpless

lost

i’ve always been told life isn’t fair

but if anything

ANYTHING

deserves to work out

if there’s anything more worthy of just going right

it’s two people in love

it’s so hard to find that anyway

too often love is one-sided

or unbalanced

when you find a good person

a person that’s right for you

a person that returns the same love and care you give

it’s only fair that when FINALLY it’s found, it should just work out

just out of principle

i can’t stand it

it’s not fair, i don’t care if i sound like a child

it’s not fair

i just don’t get it

maybe i just don’t know what love means..


maybe i overestimate it..

cuz by my definition

love is like the strongest thing there is

and i don’t understand how someone can say that word and then come to such a definite negative conclusion about the person they say it to..

if you really love someone

nothing

NOTHING

is definite

even if at first something seems strong enough

to separate you

you’d never admit it

you’d never say that it’s strong enough to keep you apart

you’d keep trying

i don’t understand how you can give it one try

and give up

i don’t understand how you can still say you love me

but still smother all hope for the future

that’s not how it should be

i’m having second thoughts

trying to do right

and you tell me i think too much

you say i think so hard sometimes it hurts

well you’re right

but that’s not how you should be

i have a real concern

a legitimate misgiving

don’t brush it off

this is important

i think this should stop

now

i don’t know how i’ll ever be able to say no

in the moment

it’ll take an army behind me

to muster up that kind of courage

“i’ve made so many mistakes in my life,
they have their own weight classes
there’s times i’ve worn ‘being an asshole’ like a championship belt
but i’ve never made failed love into a public spectacle
so this is a thank you
to every woman who taught me to walk on tightropes made of tears
for every woman who cut their hands and hollowed out my capacity to love
til it was deep enough to never stop falling for the woman who became my wife
for the women who made life a knife
hungry for wrists and dear john letters
for showing better what it really means
one day, i hope she learns how to say GOODBYE from arsonists
I HOPE ALL HER MISTAKES GROW UP TO BE THE MAN SHE NEEDS
so when it’s time for her victory lap, all she’ll need to do when she sees her ex
is say thank you”
j. bradley

enough

enough unfairness

enough of your happiness being all that matters

how many times have i just shrugged it off

when your happiness means i just have to deal

sometimes your words make my inner demons rise up with such strength

and yet i’ve grown adept at staying quiet

waging this inner war with almost no outward manifestations

they’re not necessarily big things

but they bring this rush of depression

that matters

but i don’t put that one you

every little thing that i do

even if it the same type of thing you’ve done to me

is a big deal

if it bothers you

upsets you

it’s gotta be taken care of

i don’t have the will to argue with you

you’re stubborn

you’ll always win these fights

but i’m getting less able to deal

i feel like in most relationships there’s give and take

but i’ve done more than my share

and i hope so bad that you haven’t ruined my patients

for when i meet new people

the edge of the universe is a razorblade

uncomfortable in every way

can’t stand still

don’t feel right moving

any motion accompanied by shaking

you can’t understand how off i feel

i can’t understand how unbalanced i feel

nothing feels right

can’t look people in the eye

can’t look at anything

i’m on the edge

on the brink

ready to break

ready to implode

can’t even describe it

mentally

physically

emotionally

barely keeping it in control

barely keeping my balance

it’s all about to crack

i don’t know what losing my mind would be like

but i feel like it’s close

and i’m scared

i’m losing it…

“Balanced barefoot on a needle, heaven’s just a jump away”

awfully human

i’ve written before with sadness

thinking about how this seemingly unbearable feeling

is completely and tragically unoriginal

spoke of how this fact makes it all seem so insignificant

so unimportant

but hang on;

there’s another angle to be seen

no matter who you are

where you’ve been

what you are doing

and how other people see you

you are just as human as everyone else

just as awfully human

everybody you see

no matter how put together they seem

on the inside

they have insecurities too

they’ve fallen before

fallen

this has been the trend since the beginning

every human ever

they’ve had these very same feelings of inadequacy

felt forgotten at some point

we can’t let these times get us down

whether down means feeling alone and misunderstood

nobody could possibly relate

or down and feeling worse because it’s happened to everyone

but still seems catastrophic to you

because if there’s someone who pretends it’s not true

never felt anything like this, so they can stand tall

well then that is the one who is the least human of all

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless—it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”
CS Lewis

faith+1

it’s not that i don’t have faith either

i feel like i know truth

but faith to me is acting on something you know to be true

living your life based on that truth

and i’m having a hard time doing that

like my faith isn’t strong enough to affect my actions

and that’s why i feel bad..

idk..

faith

at my job we sell a piece of wall decor on which there reads this inscription:

“faith rocks!”

f*** that.

faith doesn’t rock

faith is a necessity

my faith has come and gone and it’s the worst roller coaster ever

the reason of life hangs in the balance

your purpose or lack thereof all hinges on faith

i’m trying to keep my faith up but it’s hard sometimes

and to see this sign boasting how awesome faith is

doesn’t feel right

to turn faith into this object that can be acquired in a one-time endeavor

and then to boast about like ‘hey, look what i got, this is faith, it rocks’

that’s just not how it works

faith is a struggle

i’m fighting everyday to decide what i believe in

there has to be truth

somewhere

something to have real faith in

i’m sick of my wavering faith

it sucks

“he recognized that he was feeling something he’d never experienced before, the desire to live in one place forever, with the girl with the raven hair, his days would never be the same again. ‘it doesn’t matter’ he said the the sheep, ‘i know other girls in other places’, but in his heart he knew that it did matter, and he knew that shepherds, like seamen and like traveling salesmen, always found a town where there was someone who could make them forget the joys of carefree wandering.”
the alchemist by paulo coehlo