the junior high summer

nothing is more depressing than thinking about what could have been
i wish i could go back a few years, when maternal figures still controlled our lives
i'd go back and find us in the halls at junior high
the intersection where i'd always find you
we'd listen for the warning bells and stand and talk until the last second
then we'd rush off to our separate classes
making it just in time
i'd go back to us
tell you and me a few things like:
fuck the bells, fuck tardiness and truancy, fuck being controlled
this time is so short, enjoy it while you can
GO, have fun now, go to dances and movies, you're taste in music will be insanely similar
you're missing out
summer is coming
and Trevor, you in particular
you know how often girls forget over the summer
how often friendships just fade away...
if i could do this, i hope it would be enough
to erase at least one regret
at least one memory of what could have been
because i know that now, it's always going to be in the back of my mind
but..
you never know how much change one choice can make
what if this means we couldn't be there to save eachother later
what if we wouldn't need saving at all
maybe it would have ended just as badly, but between us
and we couldn't be their for eachother this time
maybe we were too different, wouldn't have even gotten close
it scares me to think of what we missed
but the consequences scare me just as much