from rollercoaster to flatlining

not the flatlining like you find in death
but still a kind of death has occurred
what did i do to solve this emotional roller coaster problem?
make a decision?
choose?
do the smart, mature thing?
the right thing?
oh no, not me
no way
i can see the damage i'm unintentionally causing
in hopes to make this coaster more bearable
i've gotten myself to FEEL less
like i've said before
putting up a wall
not letting in too much
or giving too much
this seems to make this roller coaster less intense
i don't allow myself to get so high
i'm talking about hopes
and i don't allow to fall so low
i'm smoothing out this roller coaster
but eventually
the highs and the lows will equal out
causing a flat line
no emotion
no feeling
flatlined