the hole

there is a terrible place i know
all too well
i've come to call it "the hole"
when some sort of personal tragedy occurs
or you are let down
you may find yourself here
it's not a happy place (the anti-disneyland)
the place you go when you're so sad
you can hardly function
it's a place where you just curl up
allowing the floods of depression and sadness to wash over you
simply basking in it all
for me, it's a place that doesn't allow for tears
after all, simply water coming from your eyes doesn't seem to do this feeling justice
i'm not going to talk about causes
there are many, whether they are really sufficient to justify
this hole
of self-centered,
self-pity
sadness and depression
it's a place i got so used to
it didn't take much to fall right back in
at first it was when i really was used by someone
then times when i got my hopes up and was crushed
even just a song or a lyric
soon it only took a weird look from someone i cared about
my mind twisted it into something that brought me down
little things that really didn't matter would send me back to this hole
after not too long i was used to this place
almost comfortable
in my discomfort
no desire to leave
i don't know what changed
but i learned to stop letting my hopes get too high
stop FEELING so much
i just don't allow myself to be hurt anymore
by not getting too attached to anyone or anything
any emotion felt i learned to suppress 'em
i am numb
drifting through the everday
not letting anything get to me too bad
this is the only way i know to stay away from that dark place
it always seems all too close though
will i find myself back there?
i don't know