STOP

i'm going through writing withdrawals.. everything inside is getting all crazy and i my schedule is not giving me time to write.. the past is not staying the past, what i thought was dead and gone is back as strong as ever. i know this makes no sense to anyone but i found a short time to write and this is all i got.


alright..
i miss writing, almost as much as i miss you
seeing you is the best and worst thing i get to do
my conflicting inner contradictions cause a collision of chaos inside
now obviously i was trying to use alliteration there,
but still
it's true.
the only thing worse than getting to see you again
is not getting to see you
every word spoken, every sidelong glance, is either a lie or just us hiding the truth from eachother
and i wish i could say it would work out
but i don't know
what i do know is i wish it could
maybe someday
even as i write this i'm beating myself up inside
STOP
even i have noticed how often and easily i get my hopes up
STOP
it only leads to falling
and i've fallen further than the height of my highest hopes
which may be impossible,
but that's what it feels like
so STOP
i wish i could stop my mouth from smiling
as it always does
just watching you
be you
it gives away too much
STOP
that's all i got.

oh.. love would definitely be easier if it were disposable